Libraries are great. You can borrow books, CDs, DVDs; learn about ancient history and lose yourself in a romantic novel to your heart’s content. Also, they are a good source of hilarity in that they are a source of great puns, funny one liners, and those little sneaky interjections that can make you groan! If there is a book lover in your life, or if you feel the need to bring a little humor into the hushed corridors of the hallowed library, then have a look through our list of library puns…
Best Library Puns
1 My library at home is a real mess. I’m very ashamed of my shelf.
2 It’s often quite chilly in a library. But this is easily sorted; you can just put on a book jacket.
3 It’s hard to tell if your librarian likes you, or if you are just reading too much into it.
4 What are the scariest books written? Those that are written by ghostwriters!
5 If you are having an argument with a friend in a library, it is always a good idea to stop and check that you are on the same page.
6 I wanted to check out a book about illusions in the library. The librarian tried to find me one, but they had all disappeared.
7 I found a book about anti gravity in the library the other day. It’s so good, I can’t put it down.
8 What is the tallest building in any city? It’s always the library, because it has the most stories.
9 My librarian is so beautiful that I’d love to date her. I really need to ask if I can take her out.
10 Librarians are the best people to tell jokes to. They always get the reference.
11 What do you do when your dog eats your library book? You take the words right out of his mouth.
12 If you break up with a librarian, you have to just turn the page and start a new chapter.
13 If you are looking for a great chat up line in a library, try “Dewey belong together?”
14 Are you looking for a great book on cliffhangers? Have a look for…
15 I’ve tried to stop borrowing books from the library, but I just can’t help my shelf.
16 Why did the ghost have to keep borrowing book from the library? He went through his books too quickly.
17 How do ghostwriters keep hold of the pen?
18 I’ve only just found out about the new library near me. It’s all been very hush hush.
19 It’s important, when borrowing books from a library, that you don’t overdue it.
20 When a librarian retires, they move on to the next chapter in their lives.
21 Looking for a book on reincarnation? Check the Returns counter.
22 I tried to visit the world’s biggest library, but it was overbooked.
23 Did you return your books after the due date? I only ask because you’ve got fine written all over you.
24 How do books keep out the winter chill? They wear book jackets.
25 I was looking for a book about Pavlov’s Dog. I asked the librarian; she said it rang a bell…
26 Next, I asked her if she had a book about Schrodinger’s Cat. She wasn’t sure if it was there or not.
27 What’s the best way to contact a librarian? You page them.
28 I am looking for a good book about dinosaurs. Someone told me to try Sarah Topps.
29 I think my local librarian really likes me. Every time I see her she goes all Dewey eyed.
30 My library doesn’t actually lend out books. They are totally shelf-ish.
31 It can be dangerous being a librarian. The other day a book fell on my head – I can only blame my shelf though.
32 What happened when Shakespeare tried to get a book reserved? He was told “No holds, Bard”.
33 Our librarian retired, and was replaced by a book with no pages. I guess it’s just a cover.
34 Librarians struggle to get dates – they are for reference only, and cannot be checked out.
35 I love books by ghostwriters, but I do wonder how they hold the pen…
36 I am absolutely Wilde about the importance of being earnest.
37 It’s fine to take drinks into the library, as long as you don’t pour milk on the serials.
38 Are you looking for books about Fake News? Try the Fiction section.
39 I checked out a book about incantations, but none of them worked. The writer had clearly not used a spell check.
40 The librarian keeps looking at me through the gaps on the shelves… I’m pretty sure she’s spine on me.
41 I was offered a job at the library, repairing the books. The contract was completely binding.
42 I once met someone who didn’t like Lord Of The Rings. He clearly didn’t know what he was Tolkein about.
43 Have you read the book about climbing Mount Everest? It’s a real cliff hanger.
44 Ann Summers took over my local book depository, so now we go to the li-bra-rary.
45 I’m reading a Braille book. Something bad is about to happen, I can just feel it.
46 Why do cold people like the library? Because libraries are good for circulation.
47 If you fall over in the library, it’s probably because you’re in the non friction section.
48 My best friend is a librarian. I was having a crisis in my life, and he helped me by telling me I should believe in my shelf.
49 Are you looking for a book about Bigfoot? Try the large print section.