We’re constantly being told that we need to be more “green” these days, aren’t we? Well, surely this applies to our puns, too? Keeping it green can be incredibly funny, as well as good for the environment. If you are looking for a little more green in your life, read on for our list of green puns!
Best Green Puns
1 I’m sorry if these puns are terrible. You’ll just have to green and bear it.
2 My friend enrolled on an art course, but had to quit halfway through. He just couldn’t make head nor teal of it.
3 Have you heard of the green tea drinker’s anthem? It goes “Sweet dreams are made of tea, who am I to diss a green…”
4 There’s a great church nearby, with a living roof and walls. It also has some great stained grass windows.
5 Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
6 There’s one great green fruit that you should eat to maintain your fitness levels. Try adding a little avocardio into your diet.
7 Mange tout is the most chilled out vegetable that you can find. It has discovered its inner peas.
8 I was sailing at sea when I came across a banana boat carrying a lettuce. It suddenly shouted out “Iceberg, right ahead!”
9 What do you call a dead bean that is wandering about eating people’s brains? A zombean.
10 Going to a nutritionist to learn about a balanced diet can be a chard lesson to learn.
11 What is green and smells like blue paint? Green paint, of course.
12 You know the best thing you can do with a green monster? Wait until it is ripe before you eat it.
13 Leprechauns love to cycle. They’re trying really hard to be even more green than they are.
14 Did you know that there is such a thing as a green shellfish? They’re called shamrock lobsters.
15 If you have never heard of a green diamond, you should look them up right now. They’re known as sham rocks.
16 Leprechauns make great gardeners. In fact, it is widely believed that they have green thumbs.
17 I threw my green hat into the Black sea the other day to see what would happen. Nothing did; it just got wet.
18 What is green, blue and very small? A lizard holding its breath.
19 I overheard a green bean meeting a banana for the first time the other day. The bean asked, “How are you peeling today?”
20 Did you know The Hulk was once given as desk job as a new policeman? Apparently he was too green to go out on patrol with the rest.
21 I was diagnosed as being colorblind the other day. That came out of the green, I can tell you.
22 It is completely impossible for Kermit the Frog to be diagnosed with asthma. As we all know, it’s not wheezy being green.
23 I love green vegetables, especially kale. I tried to add more to the salad the other day, but my friend told me it was over-kale.
24 It’s not the end of the world if you spill green tea down yourself. At least now you have a green tea shirt.
25 It’s hard to get anything done at a vegetarian dinner party. You end up with too much on your plate.
26 What do you call the leftover bits of salad left in the bowl? The last Romaines.
27 I overheard a traffic light talking the other day. The green light exclaimed to the red light, “Don’t look! I’m changing!”
28 There’s a very well known singer you may have heard of… He was totally green, and his name was Elvis Parsley.
29 What is big, green and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
30 Shrek and The Hulk have very similar political beliefs. They both always vote for the Green party.
31 I went to the allotment recently and was surprised to see all the carrots laughing. Eventually they told me it was because they saw Miss Greenpea over the fence.
32 What is green and has teeth? The answer is grass. I lied about the teeth.
33 The Hulk got into some serious trouble recently. He got an infected wound and it turned into gangreen.
34 I wanted to paint our living room bright green. All I could do was keep dropping tints.
35 You have to have nerves of teal to step out of the house wearing an all green outfit.
36 Green and Yellow recently split up. Green has been very blue ever since.
37 What’s green and smells just like red paint? Green paint.
38 My eldest was asking me the other day what green energy was. I replied, “Well, you mix blue and yellow energy together…”
39 Green fingered people send letters, just like the rest of us. However, instead of the post office they use the compost office.
40 If you ever have a pirate to dinner, be sure to serve their favorite green vegetable. In case you didn’t know, it’s an arrr-tichoke.
41 The Hulk really doesn’t like green puns. That’s because they make him laugh, so he’s not angry any more!
42 Trees can be quite hard parents. They still believe that their children should be green and not heard.
43 I came across a very dishonest bean plant. I told it to come green and own up to its mistakes, but it still refused.
Green is the color of life, of nature, of the return of spring… And it is also the color of humor! Next time you are decorating, or looking into mossy colored items of clothing, we hope you remember some of these green puns and smile.