Drinking is the main thing that keeps us alive, and we’re not just talking about those Friday night beers! For something so serious as drinking, we need some light relief – and that’s where drink puns come in.
Best Drink Puns
1 I thought there was no one in the world who can drink 2 litres of petrol. Turns out that Jerry can.
2 A friend of mine is a barman, who moved his pub to the top of a mountain to improve his drinks. He really raised the bar there.
3 On the first day after I died, I asked Satan if he had any milk to drink. He replied, “No whey in Hell!”
4 There’s one thing I hate about parties with a big bowl of mixed drinks to share, and that’s the punch line.
5 A neutron walks into a bar, and asks how much the drinks are. The landlord replies, “For you? No charge.”
6 Have you heard of an astronauts favorite drink? It’s gravitea.
7 It’s never a good idea to go out drinking with a blacksmith. You’re likely to get hammered.
8 There’s a new kind of cake out there, and it’s rumored that you can drink out of them! They’re called Cupcakes.
9 Shakespeare was never able to get a drink when out and about. Every time he went into a pub, the barman would shout “You’re bard!”
10 I have a bit of a problem with drinking brake fluid. But it’s ok, I can stop any time I want to.
11 Have you heard of the one drink that is yellow and that you shouldn’t drink? It’s known as a school bus.
12 I always love a hot drink, but the wait for the kettle to boil is tea-dious.
13 I ordered a drink at the bar, but it turned out to contain no alcohol. I asked the barman, “Water you thinking?”
14 My friend threw a tea party, but then all the guest started fighting – until someone shouted, “Can’t we all just get Oolong?”
15 Have you ever tried mixing reading with drinking? Often, it results in a Tequila Mockingbird.
16 I had a bad experience with alcohol once, so I gave up drinking altogether. Now I just drink all alone.
17 Did you know it’s a really bad idea to mix alcohol with power tools? You’re much better off using a spoon.
18 My friend has a herd of horses who have started a business making and selling booze. It’s called and Eq-wine business.
19 I really love tea, all the different types. It turns out tea and I are a Matcha made in heaven.
20 Why do we drink water? Because we can’t eat it.
21 It’s really easy to tell if a drink gets sick. It becomes cough-y.
22 A platypus goes into a bar which is owned by a duck, orders a drink, finishes then asks for the cheque. Duck billed platypus.
23 Did you know you should never drink water if you are studying chemistry? Apparently it lowers concentration.
24 I like to take my herd of wild pigs out for a drink sometimes, but they only drink Boarbon and I can’t keep up.
25 If you go out for a drink with a duck, you don’t ever have to pay – he just tells the barman to put it on his bill.
26 If you ever host a tea party for a bunch of dinosaurs, don’t forget to get lots of Tea Rex for the meat eaters.
27 Want to hang out for a drink with some astronauts? Then you should head to the Space Bar.
28 There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water. Number one, and number two.
29 I went to a bar for a drink with my friend. He was served water, then asked for something harder. They brought him a glass of ice.
30 A friend of mine left a case of wine on my doorstep one day. I was very grapeful.
31 Did you know there are dogs that can be trained to bring you a glass of wine? They’re known as Bordeaux Collies.
32 Turns out that I’m addicted to drinking water. I’m officially an aquaholic.
33 You should never mix fish and red wine. It’s the fastest way to wipe out a tank full of fish.
34 My 17 year old daughter spilled vodka while she was exercising one day. It smells like teen spirit.
35 Racist jokes are nothing like fine wine. They do not age well.
36 It’s pretty simple to open a bottle of wine that has a cork in it. But the twist top ones are easy to screw up.
37 I really wanted to drink some hot water, but I boiled it for too long. RIP water, you will be mist.
38 If you are feeling depressed and struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, try drinking a pint of water before you go to sleep. This will give you a reason to get up.
39 Did you hear about the skeleton who drank 4 pints of water in one go? Apparently his throat was bone dry.
40 My friend popped over one day to ask if I wanted to go to a bar. I replied, “Wine not!”
41 I was at a restaurant recently, and I asked for glass of water. The waiter asked, “Still water?” One of these days I’m going to surprise him.
42 A weasel, a fox and a wolf go out for dinner one day. The wolf asks for coffee, the fox asks for water, and “POP!” goes the weasel.
43 Where do planes get their water from? The jet stream.
44 I’ve been told that we should all be drinking 8 glasses of water per day. I struggle with this, because I only own 5 glasses.
45 What did the royal taster say after drinking the poisoned water? Not much, that’s what.
So there you have it – a list of puns longer than the queue for the bar, to keep you entertained while you wait for a drink! Whatever your tipple, whether it’s tea or water, a beer or other alcohol, you are bound to find something drink-related in this list to make you chuckle.